Change.  A small word.  A tough word.  A potential BIG impact!

God’s been pressing on my heart with this little giant of a word and it’s left me unsettled.  Unsettled because I know that the dreams and tasks he’s planted in my heart and has been watering, are calling me out into the deep waters.  Calling me to change.

Change is not easy.  Or at least it hasn’t been for me in this instance.  My days start out with good intentions – “This time, THIS DAY will be different,” I do declare!  And then my old ways come crashing, pulling me into their undertow . . . sigh.

But why?!

I’ve asked myself this small question a million times – “WHY can’t I do this?  WHY can’t I get this right?  WHY. Can’t. I. CHANGE. This. One. Thing?! . . . why, why, why, why, WHY!!” . . .

This question leaves me feeling less than.  Unworthy.  Incapable.  It confirms all my fears.  My biggest fear even! -That I, Katrina, will never become who God is calling me to BE.  That I will pass from this life, not having fulfilled His will…experienced His fullness of joy that comes from living out His callings…the excitement and thrill of that…seeing the immense impact His legacy can have when fulfilled for those whom I love so dearly!

Oh, I have felt these things.  Or at least inklings of them as I’ve stepped out on many occasions.  But I am also taunted by them.  I am thirsty!!  Craving more of God and less of me.  Yes, that’s where and who I want to be!!!

…But alas, I am back to the question.  The one that teases and never pleases! The small word with the BIG tidal wave of yuck!!  The tiny, yet ever so ferocious – WHY?

But what if ‘why’ is the wrong question . . . the wrong focus? . . .

What if I remove the ‘Y’ and instead add an ‘AT’ . . . as in ‘AT’ the foot of the cross?

Yes Lord!  I lay ME down at the foot of YOUR cross.  HERE, it’s no longer why but WHAT that I ask!  HERE, where I can see that YOU are far MORE THAN my less than.  HERE where the focus is on YOUR WORTHINESS and CAPABILITY, not mine!

Lord, I give you ME.  No more WHY’S.  Now WHAT would you have me BE?  WHAT’S the next SMALL step YOU have for me, to lead me out into this BIG change I feel you calling me to?  Teach me God! . . .

…”Father, you are good.  I need help.  Heal me and forgive me.  They need help.  Thank you.  In Jesus’ name, amen.” -Max Lucado, Before Amen

Oh God is so good!  He’s already given me the next step.  The next step to move forward with Him in change.  I’ve joined up with Proverbs 31 Ministries for their current online Bible study of Max Lucado’s small book on prayer called Before Amen.  A small book that is already making a BIG difference, and we’re just in week one!

What is that big difference?  It’s the small prayer I shared above called the pocket prayer and I’ve been doing just what it’s named and intended for: carrying it around in my pocket this week, pulling it out and praying it each time I begin to see that ‘wave of old’ building up on the horizon of my days.  And yes, it’s helping!  A lot in fact!!  This simple little prayer is taming the raging sea of bad habits in me.  Those ones that have been systematically crashing into my world and engulfing my heart.

Yes, change is happening.  It is small, like the length of the word, but it is building.  Set by set, day by day, I can see and feel the waves of old being pushed out and replaced by a new rhythm of waves – the wave of change.  And with these news waves, instead of destruction, there is a cleansing tide of hope and truth and peace.  Hope, truth and peace that this one thing in my life can in fact change as I learn to change my ‘why’ to ‘what’.  As I learn to surrender me and just be.  As God calms the seas in me and begins a big change with this small pocket prayer.

Do you need a big change too?  One that you’ve almost let drift away in hopelessness because you’ve been stuck in the why’s and getting nowhere?  If so, will you consider joining me in the study of Before Amen?  It’s not too late to join the 30,000+ other women who are learning to bring about change in their life through this ‘little’ thing called prayer.  We’d love to have you!  You can check it out and sign up HERE, then leave me a comment and let me know that you’ve joined and how I can be in prayer for your change.  It would be an honor to pray for you.

“Father, you are good.  I need help.  Heal me and forgive me.  They need help.  Thank you.  In Jesus’ name, amen.” -Max Lucado, Before Amen

“If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you.” -John 15:7

Remaining at the foot of the cross with you Lord . . .