I never used to want to be a mom. In fact, I was rather convinced I never would be. But then as I grew older, and moved MANY years into my marriage and my life in Christ, I finally discovered that this “lack of desire” (to put it mildly) was in fact the enemy at work.
I now believe I’ve been called to be a mom.
And I believe that the enemy will stop at nothing to try and prevent us from experiencing the fullness that can only come from God when we live out who HE created us to be – living our everyday lives for and in the callings he placed deep within our hearts before we even left OUR mothers wombs.
My husband and I only have one child – a girl – she’s five. She’s beautiful and funny and smart with long, curly, red locks – a treasured and precious reminder of the mom I lost just under two years ago now.
And since we only have the one, how tough could it be really, to be a mom? Or at least that’s what I thought, and I bet I’m not alone in that either, right? -But wrong, Wrong, oh how WRONG I was!
These first five years of doing this “mother thing” has been HARD – an unsettled sea of events and emotions. Many of which I’m thankful to learn I’m not alone in and are actually considered among the “natural” tides that come with being a mom, though I’m not sure I would go as far as to say they truly are natural because just how “natural” is it really to get up multiple times in the middle of the night to feed a screaming baby or to willingly except a toddlers booger when they hold it out proudly on the tip of their finger? Just saying! But alas I’m going adrift so that is a topic better left unexpanded 😉 . . .
In addition to those “natural” tides of motherhood, there’s also been some rather large waves that have come with a pretty hefty undertow in my life – from health issues to the loss of income, from moving states to the loss of several who were dear to my heart. Yes, all in all, there have certainly been some rough seas sailed – waters in which I’ve learned the truth – that:
. . . so when I started feeling the undeniable call in the deepest recesses of my heart to add another to all this toughness, well, I honestly thought it must be the enemy attempting to trick me out into deeper waters than I could possibly successfully sail and survive! BUT, recently I read something (from one of my favorite and most inspirational authors/bloggers – Emily Freeman) that made me pull out the periscope to examine the possibility further. She basically expressed, but in my own summarized words:
Pay close attention to your tears because they are like a compass that helps you navigate this thing called “God’s Plan” for your life.
What makes you cry? Not the hurt types of tears, but the “wow, this is what I was made for” types of waters that overflow from your heart?! For me, I’ve never been much of a crier, but there are certain things that never fail to bring instantaneous tears, not just to my eyes, but crashing down my cheek’s, and one of those is the topic of adoption. I cannot speak or hear or read about it without a tide of tears being unleashed!
For the longest time I simply did not understand this, but now I know that it’s because there’s a God sized dream in my heart – a void that only adoption will fill. And so yes, though the thought sends my mind swirling, I believe there will be a round 2, if not even a round 3 . . . or 4 . . . or dare I say more?
Ok, ok, let’s not get carried away, because honestly, that thought TERRIFIES me to my core . . . and at the same time makes my heart abSOULutely SING! And this is why I’ve joined up with P31 Online Bible Studies for the study of Lysa TerKeurst’s book, “Am I Messing Up My Kids?” – because it is amongst my deepest hearts desires to figure out how . . .
And not just in the waves of fun that come along in this journey either. But in the ‘knock you off your feet, not sure how you’re going to still breathe’ types of waves motherhood can all too often bring too!
And when I typed “figure out” above – yeah, I most definitely meant that, as the words “thriving, living and loving” are not words I would’ve used to describe the “adventure” that was those first few years . . . they are not words I would’ve used in my past to describe motherhood period. But thankfully God has gotten ahold of this messed up mamas mind and already started changing the thoughts placed there long ago, slowly but surely transforming the definition in my heart of what it is to be a mom.
And oh thank goodness for GOD’S goodness and grace, because this imperfect mama was indeed in desperate need of her savior’s restoration.
Not just restoration from my stinkin’ thinkin’ or from the past five years of turbulent seas, but I also need a continued daily restoration that can only come from handing this DIY tendency mama over to God.
I no longer want to be a “Do It Yourself” mama. No. If I’m to make this journey joyfully, I need to be a DIY – Daughter In Yahweh – mama!
*What about you – do you need to be restored? Do you want to be joyfully living out your mommy calling day by day, moment by moment, choice by choice too? If so, will you consider joining us for the study? You can find out more and sign up HERE, but before you do, let me leave you with these last thoughts – my favorite “BE” instructions, if you will, from chapter one of this mama transforming book. Then, after you’ve read them, will you share with me which one you’re grabbing hold of and tucking into your heart this week? I’d love to hear from you so that I can encourage you in your journey.
BE ENCOURAGED and EMPOWERED to be the mom God knows you can be . . . (pg.14)
BE PATIENT with yourself and with God through this process. Don’t expect instant gratification – that is not the way He works. (pg.15)
And Lastly . . .
BE A MOM who THRIVES and LIVES and LOVES the great adventure you’ve been called to. (pg.12)